Story #15: Let Go

Let Go

I once was Lara Smithes. Not anymore. I'm a sad shadow of what she use to be. When I woke up to the sound of my alarm clock, everything felt normal. But then I pressed the rounded button that said 'snooze' and nothing happened.

Okay, I probably didn't press it hard enough, I thought. So I pushed harder on the button this time, my ears ringing from the alarm. Once again, there was no change in the screaming noise bouncing off the walls. My door burst open and my mother entered the room, fresh out of the shower. Her thin, brown hair dripping and tangled shielded her hazel eyes.

"Turn off that clock," she shouted over the noise. She opened her mouth to say something else, but a gasp escaped from her thin lips instead.

"What Mom, what's wrong?" She didn't react. It's like she couldn't hear me. I jumped up from my bed and ran to her, placing my hand on her shoulder. But, my hand didn't rest on her shoulder like it should have...instead it fell through her body, as if she was vapor. All of a sudden, she started screaming and crying at the same time. Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. I had the sudden urge to push away the thought that it had to do with me.

My father rushed into the room, halfway into the process of buttoning his shirt. His black hair was a mess. All color rushed from his face within a matter of seconds. They collapsed into each other's arms, sobbing together. I whipped my head around the room, looking for something that was out of place. My eyes scrolled past the walls and to my bed.

There I was, my arms crossed against my chest, face bloated, mouth open in a grimace. My hair was still in a braid from the night before. I shook my head violently for what felt like hours. My neck ached and everything was a blur.

"How is this possible? What is going on?" The words came out of my mouth even though I didn't feel my lips moving. My grandmother appeared in front of my face, looking as young as ever. Her hair was brown...she must've dyed it due to the gray that streaked it the last time I saw her. She stared at my body that was laying still on the bed. I jumped back in surprise.

"Grandma Dell, I haven't seen you in a while. Where have you been," I questioned.

"This is what I was afraid would happen," she whispered. She pushed her bangs out of the way.

"What are you talking about?" She didn't answer my question, but interlocked her fingers with mine instead. I felt my feet lift off the soft carpet. I was floating towards the ceiling.

"It's time. You've died Lara and now it's time to ascend into a better place." My breath stopped. I'm not dead. This is a nightmare and nothing more.

"Wait," I said abruptly. "How did I die?" My thoughts were racing in a thousand different directions, wanting answers, peace, happiness, reality, and sanity all at once. I need to know. Grandma licked her lips as I looked up at the ceiling that was just two feet above us. We remained floating as she spoke.

"I died, Lara. Nearly a year ago. I've been watching you this whole time, hoping you'd go through the whole cycle of mourning and loss. But, you seemed to get stuck at the denial stage and remained there up until now."

No, no, no. This isn't happening. I pinched myself, just in case. Instant pain jolted through my arm. It's real. This is all real. Grandma Dell's eyes rested on me, waiting for a response.

"How does that have anything to do with my death?" I stammered after nearly every word. Grandma scratched her head, almost impatiently. We were still floating in mid air, a few feet above my parents who were still in a heap of tears.

"You can't hold onto something that is gone. The worry and trauma builds up and up and up until you can no longer take it. You didn't accept that I was gone and all that denial and worry built up. You died of denial. You were in your own fantasy world, ignoring reality who was knocking on the door. It is possible, believe me. You needed to let go. You have to let go of things that are gone. Holding on does more damage than letting go." Tears were sliding down her porcelain face now. "I've been in my own heaven since then."

That explains why she looks so young. I felt as if I was drowning. It was all happening too fast and I was crumbling beneath the weight of it.

"Now, it's time for you to come back with me, Lara. You'll love it, I promise." I bit my fingernails anxiously.

"I thought they were messing around when they said you were gone," I whispered. It was all falling into place. I had a heavy weight on my chest...must be sorrow. I nodded my head, squeezing my grandma's hand. "I'm ready". Slowly, we lifted up, through the ceiling and into the clouds. I should've let go.